This, my 3rd book contribution, and the one I am most proud of launches in the next 48 hours.
I should be excited right?
Getting ready to celebrate?
Well there is a part of me that wants to hide.
A part of me, that again, is driven by shame.
See it wasn't a great weekend in this household.
In fact it was pretty traumatic for all of us.
Now traumatic seems like a pretty big statement to make.
But trauma is over activation of the nervous system.
And for the 4 out of 5 of us who were home this weekend there was multiple, ongoing activations of nervous systems.
Tensions where high as the youngest again was unable to regulate any of her big emotions.
As a result , I showed up, far from the best version of myself.
And here's the shame part. Who am I to write a book on Motherhood when I feel like I'm failing miserably at it.
I was angry. And distant. Controlling. And shut down this weekend. Those are classic trauma responses.
Instead of hiding here I am. Showing up and telling you how it is.
No sugar coating. No showing only the tip ice berg that we normally see on social media.
This afternoon I decided to take my own advice that I wrote in the book.
To look at the spiritual lesson that is behind the human reaction and emotions that are presented in our motherhood journey.
And I found mine. It was about a return to love.
I realise that in moments of trauma, as a protection mechanism, I close off my heart chakra (ability to give and receive love)
Makes sense really.
But with a closed off heart chakra we cannot experience love.
And the polarity of love is anger.
And that is exactly where I spent most of this weekend and the last 24 hours.
In deep and painful anger.
It shot my stress hormones through the roof. That caused tight shoulders and a shocking headache.
So the lesson for me.
Next time I find myself in the mist of my trauma, I need to keep my heart chakra open.
To not close off.
To not deny love for myself, my girls or my husband.
As the alternative is dark, ugly and destructive.
The true spiritual awakening is exactly that. A return to love.
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